Here are two masochistic things I'm suspicious of: that asphyxiation can really make an orgasm better, and that being yelled at can make a sushi-eating experience more enjoyable. Katy McLaughlin covered one of these two concepts in her article "Sushi Bullies" in last Friday's Wall Street Journal. The bullies, McLaughlin notes, are part of a growing trend of sushi chefs who will brusquely reprimand (or even ban) customers if they eat wrong, but who still attract scores of devoted followers. Unsurprisingly, the chefs' motive isn't one of straight malice: these supposed bullies are practitioners of traditional sushi preparation who want to ensure that their customers don't screw up the eating experience, even if it means doling "out soy sauce by the droplet."
The chefs' reasoning makes sense. As one put it: "You're not going to be able to taste this fish forever." Hence the recent worldwide push for sustainable seafood: fish that we, erhm, can hopefully keep around forever. Sustainable sushi is thus the focus of three pocket guides recently published by the Monterey Bay Aquarium, the Environmental Defense Fund, and the Ocean Blue Institute. These color-coded guides, which all vary slightly in information, aim to help sushi patrons decide what fish to order to help keep the oceans full.
One aquarium, however, apparently didn't think a pocket guide was flashy enough. Last Wednesday, the Seattle Aquarium served fish-watchers actual sushi, not just information. Visitors were invited to eat sustainably caught salmon and bass maki rolls to help send a message about the importance of fish survival. While I'm a fan of this idea, it seems strange when the same logic could be used to, say, serve zoo-goers sustainable bear. Er, bear sushi.
Perhaps weirder than bear sushi is the existence of musubi, a Spam sushi that is popular in Hawaii. Musubi also happens to be the favorite food of Hawaiian-born Philadelphia Phillies centerfielder Shane Victorino. (One local bar/restaurant, Philadelphia Fish & Co., passes out free Spam musubi whenever Victorino gets on base). Earlier this month, however, the treat was shoved into the spotlight when PETA sent Victorino a letter encouraging him to stop eating musubi, citing the horrible conditions at the pig farms that supply…whatever pig parts go into Spam. PETA encouraged Victorino not to "take another cholesterol-packed bite." But, considering that the man is currently playing in the World Series, I'm guessing that he's thinking about other things.
Actually, even after the World Series, I'm guessing that Victorino will be thinking about other things. Like maybe naked ladies? Last Friday, Melanie Berliet wrote a piece for Vanity Fair's Society and Style blog about her experience working as a naked sushi model. She only did it once, to try it out, but Berliet manages to answer a lot of questions I've had — how do you stifle your urges to move? (sheer willpower), how do you not get freaked out by the customers? (remember: they're as scared of you as you are of them), and how do you not fall asleep while strange men eat raw fish from your naked body? (stare at the ceiling; hope). While I don't necessarily like the implications of using a woman as a docile serving tray, I do have to say: using humans as plates instead of plastic or Styrofoam is, if nothing else, sustainable.
Meg Favreau is a writer and comedian living in Philadelphia. She blogs at ihearyoulikestories.com.
Photograph by Meg Favreau, "Week in Food" photograph from Corbis, "Plate" photograph from FoodCollection/Getty Images.
