In our estimation, there are two types of Halloween candy: good candy, and candy that is made for children. Of course, all Halloween candy is supposed to be for children — but even the healthiest adult can often be seen sneaking a Fun Size Almond Joy or pack of M&M's on fright night. When we talk about candy made for children, we're talking about a certain substandard sect of sweets that only kids, with their hyper-aware taste buds and strangely non-discriminating palates, can enjoy. These are candies that appeal to sensibilities other than taste, that attract children with cartoon characters, Halloweeny themes, or ill-advised new recipes.

This is the kind of candy that we tasted. Our panel consisted of parents, college students, and other adults, as well as a few very excited children. Some of our samples were immediately disqualified. Palmer's chocolate eyeballs, for example, were too normal — the peanut-butter-filled one just tasted like a knock-off Reece's cup (or, as Diane, age 21, put it, "downright tolerable"). Eliminated from the list, too ,was the Spongebob Squarepants Krabby Patty. These little gummy hamburgers were popular with both children and adults. Jason, 38, referred to the patty's taste as "complex" after noting that each individual layer had its own unique flavor.

No, the candy we offer you here is a special kind of terrifying. It's the candy adults should keep around on Halloween if they want to avoid snacking, and it's the candy that kids might sacrifice first, but they'll still totally eat it. It's candy that can give anyone who consumes it both a head- and stomachache. The candy below is, in short, simultaneously a trick and a treat.

Classic Board Game Candy

Don't be fooled by the cute boxes. This candy is a tasteless mix between Sweet Tarts and Smartees. Fueled by a sugar rush, the adult members of the panel became indignant about the selection of candy pieces towards the end of the tasting, with one member dumping open the Monopoloy box only to yell, "It's just scotty dogs and cars!" One of the children enjoyed the Monopoly candy, but only because, according to his father, he had "recently discovered the game." It's likely that the child also discovered a stomachache.

Chocolate Skittles

Hell hath no fury like expanding product lines. After Skittles gum, mint Skittles, and tropical Skittles, what could Skittles subject us to but an unholy melding of Skittles and chocolate? To the adults, the five flavors eaten together tasted like a poorly textured chocolate Tootsie Roll Pop. Individually the flavors only get worse, bottoming out at "Brownie Batter," a Skittle that tasted like someone left a brownie in glue to soak up the flavor, then shaped the glue into a Skittle. Strangely, the reason one of the kids didn't like the chocolate skittles was because they were "too chocolatey."

Marshmallow Pumpkin

Imagine that someone flattened a Peep, sucked out most of the fluff, and attached twice as much sugar. Congratulations, you have this off-brand Marshmallow Pumpkin. One of the most immensely confusing candies, the Pumpkin prompted Diane to say, "I don't like Peeps, but I like this," while Mike, 21, described it as the worst of the bunch, saying vehemently, "I never want to eat that again" while bits of the crystalline sugar crunched between his teeth. Two of the children, however, listed the pumpkin as their favorite, but wouldn't expound on that fact other than to say, "It's good."

High School Musical Strawberry Pop Rockin' Candy

Someone at Disney decided that the company needed to expand the movie's empire to Halloween candy. The result was a pop-rocks-filled medallion that reeked of Frankeberry, wouldn't be consumed by most of the little boys, and was hated almost all of the adult members of the panel, who blamed the candy for their headaches. To recap: the candy featured a good deal of pop, was hated by boys, and left a bad taste for adults. Good job, Disney: this candy is exactly like the movie.

Gummy Body Parts

The most disgusting-looking candy, the gummy body parts actually had a surprisingly OK taste, with the red bits carrying the intense cherry flavor of Luden's cough drops. The shapes and texture caused problems for a lot of testers though. Of the foot, one adult said, "This feels like eating a foot," which caused another to reply, "But children like that." It was true: Sammy, age 4, liked the foot but refused to eat the gummy nose because it "looked like a penis." Lesson: Don't serve Gummy Body Parts on Halloween unless you want to get arrested as a pervert.

Meg Favreau is a writer and comedian living in Philadelphia. Check out her website, www.megfavreau.com.

Photographs by Mike Bucher.